Grieving is my Catalyst to Work Harder-Blog Better

Written on January 9, 2008 by Amanda M. Gladden

My mother lost her battle with cancer two weeks ago. Actually I got the call in the wee hours of Christmas morning. It was devastating. Horrible. I felt helpless and of course overwhelmingly sad. I walked around in a daze, traveled to the funeral and back all in a surreal stupor. I wept frequently, missed two deadlines to submit a Request For Proposal and just pretty much wanted to lay down and die during my bouts of self-pity.

This week it occurred to me. My mother would not want to see me in this state at all. She was a strong woman who took pride in saying she raised strong daughters, who picked up the pieces and kept on going no matter what cards life dealt her. So I decided, rather than constantly sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I will instead work on this blog and a couple other projects as a tribute to her and the life she lead.

U.S. News and World Report recently published the results of a study suggesting that humans may have a ‘psychological immune system’. Psychological immune system or grieving or whatever this new determination is, I welcome your support as I go through this new phase of mine and my blog’s life, celebrating my mom’s life, entrepreneurship, and women entrepreneurs in particular.

9 Comments so far.

betazon said : :

January 10th, 2008 at 6:19 am

Not a good Christmas morning. I feel sorry for your mother. Best of luck for the project which is a tribute to her.
fed said : :

January 10th, 2008 at 5:49 pm

I am sorry, really sorry, that this happened. But life must go on. Everyone has a different reaction. You too, and i know you are able to do what you are ready to do with the blog. Good luck!
Kathleen Maher said : :

January 10th, 2008 at 10:41 pm

You have my sympathy; how very painful it must be! Your resolution, knowing what your mother was like and what she would want for you, is strong and brave.
Many years ago my sister, who was only eight, was killed the day after New Year’s by a drunk driver. No one in our immediate family has entirely stopped grieving for her, which strikes some people as unhealthy. But everyone grieves in his or her own way. I have learned whether you feel bereft or resolved, whether you cry or not, sleep sweetly every night or lie awake missing the person you loved–that’s your way. And you’re entitled to it and every other form your grief might takes so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, including, of course, yourself.
In this most difficult phase of life–the death of a loved one–why can’t we suspend the rules? Our culture doesn’t offer enough rituals for death and so each of us must adopt her own manner. Whatever you feel is your best way of mourning. However you behave, remembering or forgetting, plowing through work or stepping back for a while is right. Allow yourself to do or not do what you need to recover. Pray or don’t pray, according to your beliefs. But do take care of yourself and respect your grief. All best wishes, Amanda, which include the strength and courage you mother so obviously nurtured in you.
Mchelle said : :

January 10th, 2008 at 11:47 pm

My support and healing thoughts go out to you. I lost my grandmother to cancer many years ago and currently my great Aunt was diagnosed with brain cancer (a tumor that is spreading rapidly and cannot be operated on - they give her 3-6 months). I cannot imagine the pain of losing a mother and if you need assistance during this time, please let me know - as a women and entrepreneur, I know it must be difficult to deal with daily life in this situation.
Planet Apex said : :

January 11th, 2008 at 7:43 pm

I’m very sorry to hear about your mother. You’ve got a very nice blog here. I’m sure it will be a great success. wish you all the best
Thesis said : :

January 12th, 2008 at 11:01 am

i’m sorry to hear what has happened - i hope that you will be strong in times of need and hope that it would be much better in the future..

i know because i lost my grandmother to the same ailment..
Don said : :

January 12th, 2008 at 11:14 pm

I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my Mother on Dec. 11th to Cancer. 1 day after my birthday. I was at her bedside when she passed, holding her hand, telling her everything was going to be ok, and that I loved her.

I was with her the last week before she passed. It was hard to see this once strong women go down hill. We were fortunate to have Hospice helping us out. What a blessing these people are.

I blogged about it on my blog also and it did seem to help at the time.

If there is anything I can do for you, please shoot me an email. I know there are no words of comfort that I or anyone else can say that will ease your pain at this time, although everyone tries. All we can do is try because we can’t take the hurt away even though we wish we could.

Don
Amanda M. Gladden said : :

January 14th, 2008 at 12:37 am

Thank you all for taking the time to leave a comment. I appreciate it immensely and apologize about taking so long to respond to you.

@ Kathleen, you always have the right words to bring a smile to my face. Thank you.

@ Michelle, thank you… It gets easier every day and I have tried throwing myself full speed ahead into activities every time I feel “woe is me” thoughts coming on. So far it’s worked.

@ Don, I am sorry to hear about your mom and I certainly know how you feel. Please email me as well if you need moral support or someone to cry with and I’ll do the same with you.
Assisted Living said : :

January 18th, 2008 at 12:20 pm

My friend recently lost his mother in a car accident, and his sister was driving the car. Obviously she feels guilty about it and of course misses her mother greatly.

I myself lost my father at a very young age. What I’ve come to realize is that there is a time for eveything and a plan in place for us all. It’s at times like these that we must realize that what we do with the rest of our lives will shape our opinion about this tragic event - why, and what was the point?

You may find a few years from now that all the pieces are falling into place to exlain this tragedy, and I hope that you carry on and continue to lead a good, honest and sharing life - that’s the best thing you can do for her now!